The Invisible Load of Motherhood
It’s the things nobody sees.
Remembering appointments. Planning meals. Knowing what needs to be bought. Keeping track of school dates. Thinking about what everyone needs before they even ask.
The invisible load is the mental work of keeping a family running and carrying it constantly can be exhausting.
It's more than having a lot to do. It's the thinking behind it.
The invisible load is everything you think about, anticipate, organise and remember to keep everyday family life moving.
It's remembering that your child needs new shoes before they've outgrown their current ones.
It's knowing there's a birthday party next Saturday and remembering to buy a gift.
It's keeping track of school emails, appointments, activities, birthdays, clothing, meals and everything in between.
Much of this work happens quietly, in the background.
And because it's often invisible to everyone else, it can be difficult to explain just how exhausting it is.
The exhausting part isn't always the doing. It's being the person who knows what needs to happen next.
What happens when you never get to switch off?
When you're constantly planning, remembering, anticipating and managing, your brain rarely gets a chance to rest.
Even when you're sitting down, you're thinking about tomorrow.
Even when the children are asleep, you're thinking about what needs to happen next.
And even when someone offers to help, you may still find yourself responsible for explaining what needs doing, when it needs doing and how it needs to be done.
The invisible load isn't only practical, either.
There's an emotional load too.
You may be the person who notices when your child is struggling.
The person who keeps everyone calm during an argument.
The person thinking about whether your children are happy, whether you're doing enough, whether you're being too strict or too lenient, and whether you're getting motherhood “right.”
You're not just doing the work.
You're often carrying responsibility for how everyone else is doing, too.
Over time, this can contribute to exhaustion, irritability, anxiety, resentment, difficulty concentrating and feeling emotionally disconnected.
You Don't Have to Carry It All - Meet Émilie
“Just ask for help” isn't always that simple.
When you're the person who has always kept everything together, handing over responsibility can feel surprisingly difficult.
You may feel like it's easier to do something yourself than explain how it needs to be done.
You may worry that things won't be done properly.
Or perhaps you've asked for help before and still ended up being the person responsible for organising the help.
Sometimes the issue isn't that you need someone to help you with your tasks.
You need to stop being the person responsible for managing all of the tasks in the first place.